So once again it's been about a month since I had last written. Nothing too Big has happened, Nick is just about done with this semester then he only has one more to go! and he should be graduated by April =) His website has been growing and things have been going quite well.

It's starting to get cold and I hate it. Before we know it there will be snow. Just shoot me now.

sense I started talking about the weather I don't think I have much to say. So I'm just gonna stop now. Maybe I'll add and edit this post later haha. Later loves!

I'm so so so, so over waiting

Do you want the good news or the bad news first?

We'll start with the good news :] Stephanie finally had her baby yesterday!! 7 pounds 9 ounces. She's a beautiful, healthy little girl. Mother and child are doing great! Jax makes a cute, protective daddy. :] Words can't even describe how happy I am for them.

Bad news is, I miscarried again... for the second time. :[ I don't know what's wrong with me... Somehow I doubt it's just coincidence that I lost two babies in a row. The doctors say that they wont do any tests until I lose one more. Idiots. So here I am after yet another pregnancy with empty arms and a broken heart. That was two weeks ago. As the title of this blog says, "im so so so, so over waiting" I'm so ready to be a mother. I'm so sick of waiting. I'm so sick of failure and disappointment. I'm so sick of death that no one else seems to recognize but me and my husband. and I'm sick of being patient.

I'm trying to change my attitude, I'm starting to get better, and submit myself to the lords will. But sometimes it's just so hard.

Some potentially good news is Nick's dad is recovering. He's had a few surgeries, and gets to keep his leg. He should be out of the hospital in a couple weeks. :]

That's all I have to say until next time.

Love you all!!!

Sara Jessen

:(

Nature's first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.

-Robert Frost

Lots of crazy stuff

So Yesterday my father in law, Lane, was in a scooter accident. He was driving down the road when the back wheel of the scooter popped or something and he skidded. Luckily he was wearing a helmet, it probably saved his life. But he busted up his knee pretty bad. he shattered the tibia. no good. He'll be ok. we'll keep him and mom in our prayers.

while we were visiting my father in law, we ran into one of nick's best friends, and next door neighbors. The hospital is one of the last places you wanna run into a good friend. It turns out John's wife, Rachel, had a tore up esophagus. Also no good. Later we ran into some other friends. We decided while we were all in the hospital might as well hang out... so we went to the cafeteria and got some food. heh.

Brindy and Dallin are all moved into a new place. It's a cute little place and they will have more space to themselves. :]

Steph's baby, Melody, is coming in a matter of days!!! it's so exciting!!! I cannot wait to see what she will look like. Stephanie is just ready for the baby to come out! she doesn't care how anymore lol.

There's some fun stuff going down in Nick's and my life too right now... :] We weren't going to tell anyone. But sense everyone who reads my blog already knows I'll just say it. NICK AND I ARE PREGNANT!!!!! I AM SO EXCITED!!! I am four and a half weeks along. :] I'm going to wait 'till the second Trimester before we officially announce it so sshhhhh. lol The fun thing about this pregnancy is if all goes according to plan his/her due date will be may 31st... the day after my birthday lol. Pretty cool. :]

Well, until next time!

I love you all!!!

<3 // : Sara

Happy 9 - 9 - '09!!!

I don't really have all that much to say, except I love Nick very much. That love seems to just grow and grow everyday. He's my world.

Love may not make the world go round, but it makes the ride worth while.

Things have been very busy lately, with Nick going to school, working, and all his projects. It makes me really appreciate the time that we have together. :]

Also, I'm very excited for Stephanie. Her baby girl, Melody, is due in less than a month!!! I can't wait to see what she will look like. Stephanie's pregnancy seemed to go by really fast, to me at least heh. I cant wait 'till I get to hold her. It's very exciting. Hopefully I'll be able to hold a baby of my own one of these years haha ;D

Well, until next time!

Love ya all!

<3//: Sara

Life after the miscarriage

So it's been an awfully long time sense I had last written (more than a month). I need to write more... I love writing. Hmmm I think I will take up fiction writing again... Anywho, I didn't mean to wander off the subject like that. Yeah, so it's been a while sense my last blog entry.

A lot has happened sense then, for example, we got a puppy. He's a lovely golden retriever, Nick named him Buddy haha. I love him to death, I have always loved golden retrievers, but now that I own one I love them even more! We actually got him for free with his papers and everything about a month ago. I think sub-consciously we may have decided to keep him because of the miscarriage. Actually Buddy has helped me to heal, by keeping my busy, and by giving me something small and sweet to hold. He'll never replace what we lost, of course, but he still has added to our little family.

Second, Nick and I went on the cruise to Ensenada and Cabo san lucas. It was kind of a late 1 year anniversary celebration and celebration of my grandparents 50th anniversary. It was a blast! We loved it, I highly recommend it to all those who have the chance to go on one!

Third, Nick is back at school as of yesterday. Good old BYU Provo. He's also still working at Thrive as an internet coach, and he has a website that he's working on. (I know, he's an internet geek but he's my internet geek so it's ok.) But we are so excited! He is almost done with school! he will be finished in April, with a degree majoring in Japanese! If his website doesn't take off he'll be able to get a job as a patent translator.

So life is pretty good.

We are ready to try for a baby again. So it's just a matter of the waiting game until we get pregnant again. I look forward to that.

Fourth, We got new callings! We are now primary teachers. I'm going to miss the little kids in the nursery. I don't know if Nick will miss being Sunday school president though haha. We're both very excited to start teaching. I love our ward, and our Bishop, and I love our little Provo Duplex. I'm going to miss it when Nick graduates and we move (most likely outside of Utah.).

Heh, Nick and I ran into his ex-girlfriend's family at Ross the other day. SUPER AWKWARD!!! They are nice people but very "happy valley". I gotta say that I thank his ex for making Nick who he is today, but goodness she was kinda nuts.

Anywho, that's all I can think of to write.

I love you all!!

until next time

<3//:>

Bad News

So the worst has happened. We miscarried the baby... Of course I am sad about it. I wish there was something I could have done to prevent it. The doctor told us it was just one of those random miscarriages that was no ones fault, and there was nothing we could have done. I felt so powerless to save my baby. I had to just wait while my baby was dying inside me, and let nature take it's course. It was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. Losing the baby was the greatest disappointment in my life. But that was about three weeks ago now. It's odd after a tragedy like that, time just keeps going and almost seems like it wants to leave you behind. Almost like your stuck in that stage of life, while everyone else and everything else doesn't slow down.
Now, things are different I'm doing a world better. It was definitely a growing experience for nick and I. It definitely brought us closer together. I felt very comforted by the spirit that it was the lord's will, and that maybe I will see that baby someday. I'm sure that with our next pregnancy we will definitely not take it for granted. But I WILL also always have a fear of it happening again. Which is actually fairly likely to happen. I have RH - blood and If I become sensitized, which may happen, I will more than likely miscarry many times or give birth to a still born. But again as I did with the last pregnancy I put it in God's hands, he knows what he's doing. I know I will be a mother someday. I think we will try again after a cycle or two. I almost want to get pregnant again now, But I think it will be wiser to wait, it will be better for me physically and mentally I believe.
In less depressing news, Nick and I are going on cruise in less than two weeks! I'm super excited! I love cruises. Nick has never been on one so I'm excited to take him around and see how he likes it. we are going to Ensenada Mexico and it's going to be super fun. Probably super good for both nick's and my mental frame lol.

Until next time,
Sara
Come what may

YAY!

I'M PREGNANT! Now everything has changed! Nick and I found out that we were pregnant June 9th! I took three pregnancy tests and they were all positive, I just could not believe it! I went through all kinds of emotions when I found out, Fear, excitement, worry, then back to excitement lol etc. etc. The next step I had to take was telling Nick, which was a little nerve wracking we weren't going to try until July or August so the pregnancy would come off as kind of a surprise.
First I had Steph come over and we talked for a bit, she was probably just as excited as I was. Then we went to the dollar store and bought a baby bottle then took it home and wrote "daddy's drink" on it, and filled it with water. Then Stephanie went home, and I went to go pick up nick.
I was nervous the whole ride there, I told Nick that I had a surprise for him but he was so not expecting a surprise of this magnitude. So I get there, get out of the car and hand him the bottle. He just stared at it for a good ten seconds lol.
Then he said, "wait, you're not pregnant?"
I said, "yep, I am"
"WOAH!" was his reply, "we have to call some people"
He could'nt stop smiling it was really cute! we are so excited!
But now I'm a little nervous and feel like maybe we shouldn't have told everyone. Because what if I have a miscarriage? I don't want to have to tell everyone about that. But it's all good, because it's in the lord's hands and he knows what he's doing. I just have to do my best and do my part, and have faith that the lord is watching out for us. Just as he has always looked out for us. Whatever happens is the lords will.
I just can't wait! I wonder what I am having most think it's going to be a boy except alyssa who says a girl. and others think twins. lol Nick and I would be happy with either one. We feel so blessed by the opportunity :] Nick will Make a very cute daddy. :] I love him more and more. our first anniversary is this sunday and I'm super pumped we are going to go camping. It's going to be so fun!
until next time!
Sara

Long time no blogging.

So it's been a couple months ... Lots has happened sense I had last written. I turned twenty may thirtieth. It feels kind of strange not being a teenager anymore. But I think I will survive.

Nick is out of school for the summer!!!! Which is awesome! He now has a job at a place called Thrive. Where he is an internet coach. :]

Next thing, Brindy and Dallin got married May 23rd In the draper temple then they had the reception at grandma Tapp's house. She has the most lovely back yard ever! Their wedding turned out really nice. Their wedding cake was really pretty too. Brindy looked like a princess :]

Also WE FOUND OUT WHAT STEPH IS HAVING!!!! and guess what, I was right. shocked? Didn't think so. She is going to have a baby girl. as I suspected. I'm really excited for her. She is excited too, though she wanted one of each I think it's better this way, for sure. I think Jax wanted a boy, but what guy doesn't want a boy first? But yeah, that's pretty exciting news.

I decided a while ago that I am ready to start trying to have a baby. With prayer and following the spirit both Nick and I have decided that, after we get maternity insurance from the benefits of Nick's job, we will start trying. Lately I've been feeling that it is really what I feel is right. I'm not just baby hungry. So most likely in august we will start trying for our first child. Which is really good timing because we have a cruise that we are planning in august for my grandparents 5oth anniversary so it will be like our "babymoon" (our one last hurrah as a couple without a baby) :] But we will keep praying about it, and remember that we will get pregnant according to god's will not ours. Haha it's funny but Nick feels we will have a girl first, and I think a boy. So it's all flip flopped. Because I know that Nick was wanting a boy first, he told me before we were married and I wanted a girl lol. But I guess we will just have to see. I just hope that there will be no complications because of birth control or something like that.

Guess what!

I love Nick... and I got the job at cold stone, I'm excited! and I love nick! they are fairly unrelated but who cares? It's my blogspot!

THE END!

I wanna sunburn just to know that I'm alive...

Yeah that's from one of my new favorite songs its been stuck in my head like crazy!!! It's called "Angels on the moon" by Thriving Ivory. I just love it. At first I thought it was an OK song. But now I am obsessed with it!! Any way, here it is:


I'm in love with that song.

Anyway, IT'S ALMOST VALENTINES DAY!!! I'm pretty excited! Nick wont tell me what we're doing. But I guess I'll see :]

I'm still looking for a job, but I'm calling cold stone back today... probably not the best place to work but its better than nothing I guess... and we are getting a little short on cash ;] so yeah.

You will never guess...

THAT STEPHANIE IS PREGNANT!!! haha yeah, she found out she was pregnant like a week ago! but I guess she was probably pregnant for about a month now. It's pretty exciting! I'm definitely happy for her. I hope all goes well with the baby and all. She is hoping for twins one boy and one girl, we'll see. I think she will have a girl and Nick thinks a boy. Steph's husband Jacques is in denial, Steph says. So thats pretty funny. I can't wait till I get to get pregnant.. well sorta... sometimes I want to and sometimes I don't wanna be pregnant lol.

Also, Nick's sister Brindy got engaged Saturday!!! They will be married May 23! I'm really excited about that. She's marrying a good man. Nick is trying to fully accept it. Brindy's his only sibling and he's very protective of her. But he approves of Dallin so it's all good!!

Hmmm ... what else? oh yeah! Nick and I got an Organ for free off KSL. My mom found it and told us about it, and we couldn't refuse ;) it's pretty neat. It's like a mini one that fits right into our living room. The only problem with it is it doesn't have a bench... but thats OK I'm sure we'll find one. If not I'm sure my mom will for us. HAHA! My mom's always finding things for us...

So last night Steph came over to our house, and I coloured her hair. It's reddish brown now. I also feathered it around her face so now she has thin bangs... why must I be such a genius?? ;D I think it looks pretty good. She looks pretty with darker hair, in my humble opinion.

Nick is such a sweetheart, the other day while he was at school he wrote me a love email. HAHA! it was really cute actually. And it was the first time in a while that he wrote me a letter or something. And last weekend Nick and I went up to Idaho to go visit a friend of his who is going up to BYUI. We got a hotel and everything. We went swimming, out to dinner at a nice mexican restaurant, and then had a little dance at his friends place. It was really really fun!!! I loved it! It was nice to just get away and enjoy ourselves and not have to worry about anything. Man I love my husband :)

Anywho, until next time!

BABY CLOTHES?

So the day before yesterday, Nick had just gotten home and I was playing on the computer when my mom called. She told me that she had found some free clothes for me... but they were baby boy clothes!!! I was like... cool I guess, but I'm not pregnant, and I don't plan on it any time soon.. But I decided to get the clothes anyway because after I do have a baby they would be very helpful, sense baby clothes is sooo expensive. So Nick and I headed over to the woman's home who was giving the clothes away (my mom found her in an add on ksl) picked the half garbage bag of clothes up and did some grocery shopping. When we got home we looked through the baby clothes. THEY WERE JUST LIKE NEW. They were beautiful baby boy P.J.s and booties and hats! they were clean and awesome. I was pretty shocked. Some of them were new, with tags and everything. Some were still in their original packages! I was particularly excited about a small pair of blue bunny booties! haha they were very cute. Even Nick could appreciate the cuteness. So yeah, now I'm very baby hungry!!! I want to have a baby but I don't. I have some pretty mixed feelings about it, I want a baby but I dont wanna be pregnant lol! But in the next 6 or seven months so that's cool.


Stephaine, my good friend who I mention in earlier blogs. Just got married almost tow months ago, and they are already trying for a baby. We'll see how that goes. I can't wait till they have their baby though, he or she will be cute.

On another note, a friend of mine, who I met during his LDS mission here in Utah is engaged. I knew that for a while, but today I found out that he wont be married in the temple... which is fairly surprising. He is obviously LDS and he had some pretty good standards, and he DID want to get married in a temple. But that was almost two years ago that he said he had wanted to be sealed in a temple... and people change I guess... I'm still happy for him though. I'm glad that he found someone to be with and to love. We'll see how that goes.


'till next time

Attack Of The Lasagna!!!

A couple interesting things happened today, firstly, I have an interview tomorrow morning with Deseret Book! I'm pretty excited for that... hopefully it will go ok, if not there's those other places I applied for. so yeah!

Secondly, my good friend Stephanie and I went to the mall today (Just for fun). It was actually loads of fun! I usually don't like the mall but this time was really enjoyable. Steph and I found these really cute shirts... they are red and really long, they look really good on us. AND THEY WERE 75% OFF!! So we both bought one so we could match... one of these days lol. Yeah. But it's a really really cute shirt :]

Thirdly, today I decided to make something new. Something quite daring and challenging, yes, lasagna. okay, so its not really THAT hard to make(at least I heard it wasn't), but I'd never done it before. Of course before I tackled this I got every lasagna maker in the family's opinion on how to best create a lasagna masterpiece. I got most of my ideas from my sister, the gorgeous Alyssa. She's the queen of lasagna.

I bought all the ingredients and such, and the actually preparing of it took like an hour!! It took forever, and I'm pretty sure I did it all wrong! It was one of the uglier pastas I have seen in my lifetime. but it turned out tasting pretty good... I guess, Nick said that he liked it, and that it wasn't ugly. But he's my husband.. it's his job to lie to me haha. In the end it turned out alright. which proves the quote by someone who I never knew, "It will all be okay in the end, if its not okay it's not the end" I think he/she meant for the end to mean the end of life or something. probably not for Italian cooking but thats ok. It still almost applies. hehe

Until next time!!

blog #2, Nick goes back to school

Hey everyone, today was a longer day than some. maybe because it started earlier than I'm used to. I woke up around 6:30 today so I could wake up Nick so he could get to school on time. . . easier said than done I'm afraid. I have to wake him up about 4 times before he actually gets up and gets ready. Not that he's lazy or anything, he's the exact opposite, he's a very hard worker and works many hours into the night. I don't know how he does it!!! It's just amazing to me how much ambition and determination he has! Nick works so hard to support our family, PLUS he goes to school full time!! Hopefully he can test out of one of his classes and make his burden a little lighter. He's smart I'm sure he can do it.

I love him sooo much, he's my hero. There's no words that could possibly describe how grateful I am to him for all that he does for me. I just wish I could do more to help.

Anyway, today I applied for a job at Deseret Book, and Office Max, and tomorrow I will apply for a job at a place in the mall called Tie One On. I think that I would like to work at Deseret Book the most though, that would be awesome. Just a really great atmosphere in there, plus I love LDS novels and stuff. So hopefully I will get that job, if not that's fine to as longs as I work somewhere.

Well until nextime

first blog EVER!!!!!

So, this is my first blog that I have ever created! wow this must be the most exciting point of my life! ;D

Anyway, about me, my name is Sara E. Jessen. My name just changed to that from Sara E. Curneal on June, 21st 2008. The day that I married the love of my life, Nick. He's all sorts of amazing!

I guess I don't really know what to write in here, but I'm sure my blogs will grow as the days go by.